thoughts&&memories =)

2009-07-04T10:02:00.000-07:00

dearest, squishies, yumyum, lengleng, kylie.c

i dunno what to say....i dunno where to start... im falling apart...
how to start...

these tears dont lie...what i write here is true from the heart and soul...
to answer a question or two...

our breakup did devistate me to that point... im not gonna try to justify / be able to justify whats happend... i hate myself so much already that the pain is almost the only thing i know how to feel. it feels like my heart is slowly getting torn apart my thoughts are scattered and my life is a mess...
i never was hiding my true self from you ... when i was with you i now realise that was my true self... everything else is / was just an illusion... what ive done in life im not proud of... i am good at it, it keeps me occupied, i dont need to think, i just do, like life on an autopilot headed straight for the twin towers...but its not something im proud of at all .... not at all ... ive had too much time to think to myself 28/06/09 - my words, my thoughts, wat was said, what was thought...
i wish for it all to be a misjudgement...an outburst... a coverup.. honestly my heart wants what the head doesnt. or vice versa, i dont know what the fuck i was doing.... i want u back so badly. , im not a rash person, i do wish u true happiness in any way / form possible. i try to push u away from me in the hope that you'll find it elsewhere. but at the same time why am i so blind tht my desicions and actions still effect you even though indirectly ... you feel as though my desicions from after we broke up are on your conscience... am i making sense?? i dont even know what im saying....

baby hei sun la... we have lots to do

when i read those words, it all came back to me as much as i hate to admit it fucking cried for almost 4 hours straight this saturday night.
every word, every memory

NYE,
my 18th
wagaya, market city, l for love l for lies
SPACE-28/06/08
franks place,
hot pot
subbies fetish
sues plce
ikea
my bed
yum yums
leng leng
sneaking into ur house
hugging u to sleep
my mirrors,
carols
yoga -.-#!!
wii-fit
nat
maplestory
the way you smell
how i think you're so fuckin beautiful in any occasion - EVEN WHEN U WAKE UP
the restaurant i "booked" on sussex st dwnstairs
whenever i could take you shopping :(
when you dragged me around to shop
complaining about new shoes
waking up your your sweet voice
sushi train at market ct
escalator rides with me on the bottom
you complaining about yur phone and water dmg
your disgusting love filled lemon honey with the thingy i lost and i still owe u
you.

everyting about you, i could just list them .... on and on and on.....

i dont want for ths to be the end..., im sick of the heartache....
im sick of myself being so careless, its been 4 fucken years i still dont realise that even though i dont care for myself at times... other people do... and ... i dont wanna make a promise... dont wanna create any false expectation...but this is how my resolve is now

if i fuck this up , what good am i? why cant i hold onto an angel that was sent to me? instead i seem to only break her wings in my own selfish manner so she cant fly.... fuck it.

i just want to know one question... if the wrongs can be re-written to right.. not something to see over 5 minutes, 1 week or 1 month... but something to be seen , by you and for you to decide if its right..

im writing this here to see if i can get a piece of mind, and perhaps hold onto it...

ill say now that regardless of your answer to this blog; entry that my choices will be right. not only for myself, but for my mum, and family whom do care for me....

but ... if those wrongs can be right.... would you be proud to call me ur boy again? for me to be by your side? ... i realised doing so much all i wanted was possesions, material items, money etc ... fuck its important but i just remembered that it stood against everything that the one i most love.... =(

i want to ask you ... if there is still hope, maybe you do see something in me/my words .. (yeah.. fat chance but its all i got left... so im gonna try to pour my heart out once more....only one chance) then continue talking to me .... as a friend / w/e you like... but if you really dont believe i can change... i can make the wrong right then please dont ever contact me again...

if you could... email me all our pictures to s2.chungz@gmail.com ...you dont have to if you dnt wanna...

like i said ... regardless of ur answer.... i wont lie on ur conscience any longer...

so do you see hope in me? can you still believe ?

writing this for that piece of mind... still

J

"ngor hou gwa ju lei ar... , ngor oi lei leng lui.. i relli do .. always have and always will, doi 5 juu duk lei ar, for what ive done and what ive put / putting you through"

2008-06-30T16:45:00.000-07:00

well, im happy you've gone . i didn't need you ard in my life anymore and im sure you dont need me (= . its time for us to move on and to stop hindering eachother. honestly i really don't care about YOU anymore (:

LOL its funny isn't it? half of us drives without their licences ): ...
aaron hk me and soon to be mr.vinnyy :D i hope you're readin this because i took the effort to blog for u >=F !

anyway. its 10pm, waking up WAAAAAAAAAAAAY too early xD. um um um .. jun hai mou yea jou arr... T_T #

kylieeee tag me pls ------------->
see the box . yeah tag me :)

LOL we're so random. plan to go K on a tuesday night x] ...

kay so lets recap on me lately. less clubbing its limitied to ...once a week or so? maybe less now x] im a gwai jai !! && hey kylie ...it was hot yerh XD??

umm....i'll take a page out of ur book and try to blog about my every day life but i just cant think of anything worth writing here other than i see YOU >=F yes you nearly every day.(dw its a good thing d=) aiya i give up lets go shopping later x] (call meeee laa) !!!bai bai bai

fuck that was a self centred blog directed at one person....lucky noone reads this thing anymore x]

2008-06-30T06:50:00.001-07:00

Okay you wanted to read yeah? don't worry you're the only person still reading this blog babe XD. It was hot yea? i know LOL !! so. i haven't blogged in a while now =\

why? NOTHIN LEFT TO RANT ABOUT. so if you dont see blogs you should be happy for me.

i got stoned babe sorry gnite@@!!!

2008-06-29T23:42:00.001-07:00

i miss kylie. the end

2008-04-15T01:22:00.000-07:00

i want things to change;

i know you'll never read this and im glad to write it here;

you make me feel nostalgic. everything around me reminds me of you again;

2008-03-30T07:47:00.000-07:00

Hmmm..~

Please accept my apologies, wonder what would have been
Would you've been a little angel or an angel of sin?
Tom-boy running around, hanging with all the guys.
Or a little tough boy with beautiful brown eyes?
I payed for the murder before they determined the sex
Choosing our life over your life meant your death
And you never got'a chance to even open your eyes
Sometimes I wonder as a fetus if you faught for your life?
Would you have been a little genius in love with math?
Would you have played in your school clothes and made me mad?
Would you have made me quit smokin' by finding one of my lighters?
I wonder about your skintone and shape of your nose?
And the way you would have laughed and talked fast or slow?
Think about it every year, so I picked up a pen
Happy birthday, love you whoever you woulda been
Happy birthday...

!

remeniscience ..fk i cant spell for shit....

hehehe went back to melbs for easter ... visited mummmy terryyy&new baby bro!~

but really, im not the type to make things more complicated :) if u do understand this then i'm impressed LOL

anyway; SLEEP. WORK 2mr.. /WHINE WHINE WHINE

2008-03-18T19:40:00.001-07:00

can you share your secrets with me away from everyone else again?
ARE you willing to share a secret; is it worth your time?
do you see the same things i do?
or am in my own little fantasy world which doesn't exist.

:)

hi

taken by reality.-

jayc. kin. skiiesz.

too many things running through my mind as of late;
things to do;
stop driving without my licence;
dont drink as much
dont smoke as much
try harder
slack less.

realising that theres noone left to depend upon - why haven't i grown up yet? .

i have to stop fooling myself that those who are there now will always be there. maybe there will be some; but there wont be others.

=[. life just said hello and kicked me in the face.

wonderful.

2008-03-16T17:09:00.000-07:00

cant be fucked any longer;
wasting my time trying'

need a different outcome.

2008-03-14T13:52:00.000-07:00

Well at one thing;
could it be?
When I was thinking about you maybe you were dreaming of me.
Call me crazy...
call me blind.
;
.
So much i need to say,
.

.
I

haha; well
March 15th 2oo8' 7.55 AM. /WHINE

just got home, cant sleep. too much to think about; oh and kylie and jess CIRCUMLOC**** i beat you both to it. I wrote it on my blog first =]]. anyway; random day today and haven't really told anyone how i feel but vin lolz. had a feeling something like this would happen the night before for some reason . for those who dont' know then good. Sorry to keep you uninformed but some things aren't meant to be put THIS far out there =]]]. wells . seems as though everyone has problems nowadays so ill leave the emo vent channel here.

WHat'd i been upto lately!

GOT A HAIRCUT. (noone really noticed)
HAD MY HAIR DYED BLONDE (some people noticed)
WENT TO CANBERRA! saw joshy and sophie aswell!
Errr i cant really remember that many things these last couple weeks. too many things to write.
what'd i do last night! now i think i can remember
met with kylie and vin at market ct .. went cap square and got my HIDEOUS ADORABLE UGLY SQUISHY TOY =] (L). noone really liked it including myself so got it changed for a different one but i still miss it =(. met wif steve and nino had dinner at korean place near kap sqaure! the fusion thingy.
jess aaron dave came abit later... sorry have to mention this but dave being pimp and picking up random waitresses! :D then saw two YUM YUM HOT girls walk right by us and had to make a comment. guess what? turned out to be my super-rachael LOL and her friend crystal = . walked up to us and said hi to both me and steve! someone was cut up D: .... anyway. ditched for a awhile and had a talk with someone then went back and met up with everyone (just finished K i missed it again! =[...) went off to starbucks and bummed around ...went back to strattttttyyyyyyy and did the same thing. by that time steven & dave had gone so was just me kylieee aarronnn vincentt and jesssssssiska bummmed around MORE and drank al-cho-mo-hol at some random place and after 3 hrs or so took kylie home aaron & jess went back and i bummed around with vincent MORE LOLZ attempted to sleep at a park like a bum but failed and ended up calling someone to pick me up =[. vinnys still at the park i think its 8.05 now LOL.

THE
N
D

^ see what i did there? pretty cool huh; something i'd do in primary school. blog next time ! :D BAIIZ

2008-02-11T03:32:00.000-08:00

lol another one gone.

fuck you bitch.

:]

xDDD~

2008-02-03T17:13:00.001-08:00

rememiscence

2008-01-30T13:12:00.000-08:00

Phwoarrr. did i spell the title right ? LOL

Hellos :]

Well; i think i had somethign to write last night but now i've completely forgotten now that im at work. :[.

anyway! jayjay` has been bored lately. internet bill = unpaid . therefore no internet at home LOL. hmm . what have i been up to lately and what am i thinking. absolutely nothing which disturbs me.. =\

whats there to do at work? sad. i came 1 hour early so i can bum around on the comps doing nothing, errhhh ""

i want weis legs
I want trangs legs

umm

OH OKAY NOW I REMEMBER WHAT I WANTED TO WRITE.

i just remembered i was thniking about some things here in syd about old times i had in melb xD

..hmm..

so what do I remember..?

bum-sessions at city with kev & others doing nothing but being bored cunts and amusing ourself with cleaners. =] !!!

afterward bum sessions @ kevin place end up bumming at his place and watching him cook noodles. LOL

kel's and jennys super duper cool drinkups <3.

my 20% attendance rate at edsc.

pop pop pop pop op popop opo popo popopop.

sigh .. blogs are useless my minds always so empty :'(
someone talk to me on msn help me remember some things

melbskiiesz

2008-01-20T03:06:00.000-08:00

Phwoarr;

what a week [=.what’d I do?

Wellll …. Thurs went and met with the two nigger twins ryan and darshy; faggots made me wait at gym because they were too busy starin at other men ;] but was all good… afterwards! Went to city and was looking for allan and ian but they BOTH dogged because one had work (again) and one had a group assignment! X.x went to watergardens’ to get to phils place.. fun night huh (= .. Oh ! on the train some muzza retard was starin at me so me darshy and ryan got up and started staring at him standing up. he SHIT himself man! After we got off the train he bolted off and we followed and taxed his lighter [: ; hmm phil picked us up.. got to his place and saw cuongg; dennis; billy; Christian happyboyhenry and yeaaah…. Cant rmb . drank and drank and played poker. RED LABEL TASTED LIKE SHIT (as usual [x) hmm … had to walk darsh and ryan back to train station at like 4 so phil decides to be a funny cunt and say “if peter was here he’d fuck that pole upside down” so what do I do? Do the exact thing, and fall on my back and wake up sore as shit. Philkins mummy cooked lunch for us and we PIGGED it. That’s pretty much it : ] . on Friday! Was suppose to go home but was with phammy for a while in the city till she ditched ]= , ian gave me a call and I ended up rockin up at his new apartment for a while. Its SEX ! fkn sexy place … got hungry at about 11 so went maccas and I said…hey shit, alex lives near here so we roamed around till I could recognize his place and said hello [=; chain smoked in a park like old times with nothing to do and went back to his place and dOta-ed! Bwahhaha. Saturdaaaay- ! quiet day la. Saw tran and jenny early in the morning for brekky and they said I looked hung over! Lies. Went home, watched movies …died out woke up at 1 talked to bettttyyy and caught up abit..i guess [=.

Anyway now im back in sydz0r. lifes still sweeet.

Well, seeing as everyones so jealous of me I have to make more mentions since it seems like I forgot a lot of people **cough melbourners.! xP okay,

philkins white guy with asian hair whos starting to get tank XD
jenny- you haven’t grown ;] trust me!
darshy known the guy for too long. back when i was the little fat rat XD
eL-star funniest bitch tryna make her bf jealous LOL ->
http://img256.imageshack.us/my.php?image=elstarsattemptatmakinghlj8.jpg
ryan even if he’s the gronkiest child ill ever meet
phammy - oh it must be love. ;) haha

erhhh ... ill put more in later x] . im lazy

AND I MIGHT BE COMING BACK FOR ANOTHER VISIT IN MARCH EG.

Anyway; i know its abit late but i want to sum things up in

2oo7-
chung became sexier
chung is the best looking guy on earth kthx <3.
chung met rachael and was changed for good.
chung broke up with rachael and was changed for good again LOL.
chung also became jay ;]

what i want in 2008
2oo8-
jay wants more money
jay wants to become even sexier (if thats possible)
jay wants to hit little tb children that annoy him <3.
jay wants to spend more time with family
jay also wants to thank his brothers and sisters more in sydney and melbounre which makes his life what it is..

mainly . !Sydney sidersss
aarOnZOR
steven
vincent
ru-wong-tan
andiie
eva lai
eva jhou
wei wei (you love ur chinese name)
viola
trang

melbourne bums
darshay!!
ryan!! (omg i know the first two people i mentioned were black jks ;])
philkins!
ian Chin you DIRTY MALAY LOL
calvin-D
eL-star :] (ellie xD)
kaz
amanda
carlo
BETTY!
anne

arrgh .. tired.. im off to read my bleach :) ill blog more later

till then i love you all

The last several months.

2008-01-16T08:21:00.000-08:00

Okay, I know I'm not the type to do this; but seeing as someone really wants to know whats been happening then I may aswell share with the world what the hells been going on with my life.

Only things I can think of is that I moved away to Sydney with my ex lived together (Phwoarrr what an experience!) met alot of people, worked found a job at Energy Australia as an annoying telemarketer; got fired and now I'm a technical support agent at Telstra. Interesting enough? Nah; didn't think so.

From day one in which I worked at Customcall I wannt to shout out to aaron my black asian bro, sunnie my jiejie who always looks after me :D and stiffy steven my other vain piece of shit counterpart from the EA campaign. What a fuckin story huh? several months have passeed and we've done heaaaapsss from random k nites to just the endless boring days at CC - with...well..K i love you all XD u make sydney what it is. How to forget though; "all because of youu" seriously though, what the fkkk is with the swarm of asians coming in when I get fired. ME, ah well; life goes onn .. Now at datacom telstra .. what's there to say? yongy the random girl i flirt with on the first day of work when michael (her boyfriend) came up to us said to me "i dont really know him that well" , andiee who intros himself like a d00sh by shaking my hand and saying love your songs. (NO I DONT LOOK ANYTHING LIKE JAY FKN CHOU) ty. oh btw thanks for driving me everywhere andiie lou dao. i love you too ; XD hmm, the other interestin pplz at DC-telstra michael who looks like he just got out of bed every day, john who rocks up to work lookin like a millionaire and steven rockin up at work obsessing over getting a new car. O:

who else has made sydney interesting huh?
sorry if i've missed you but it IS 3 am and i'll list whomever that comes to mind

ahhhh..

People.

[tiff tiff tiffanyyy]! you probably wont be able to read this but you have a huge rack. >=D!
[dave P]! - keep payin steve out for that night aye never let it rest, whenever steve pays you out u always have that to use against him.
[dave S]!- yeah, sure thing, ahha yeah, yeah,, yeah, yeah ,alright, np tiger. learn to be angry dave .. please learn to be angry ;]
[ru-wOng-TaN tan!] - ru my sexy baby, i know i havent paid rent yet but thanks for always bein there u goddamn malaysian. really ty ;] . endless dota nights screaming insults in chinese watching you get drunk calling random people in the middle of the night? worth living for imo.
[kevin-chin] - hohoho kevin, where would i be without you to put ru back in his virgin place. yeah thats where. thanks ; you're never at home though. stop staying @ ur gfs :<
[w00b-tOOb-WOOBIE///WEI!] - hi wei! you're hot" "oh i know" jesus christ, i never thoguht i'd meet someone with an ego so inflated like mine. anyway; fun times aye? both get fired every day bum around with me around mc and my place ;] !
[vincenttt]- haha wat to say huh; friday nights findin things to do with the others eh; vinny best company la!
[tranggyy] - ahah .. funniest and one of the hottest bitches around. boys crowd around her because she gives out........ JOKES .... phuocy ill shout you dinner next time okay?!!
[annie] - lol, one interesting horny biatch. wats up. ! happy birthday btw (:
[unky hunky what?]- err i dont know how to spell your name but you're sexy c-walk makes me remember you.. specially when you're baked and i play a screamin ringtone in your ear ;] ... i think we all remember that XD cant even pack ur fuckin J properly.
[stiffy(steven)]-my favourite asian; even if you're old...and you're getting fat. i still love you. why? it makes me look better thats why .... LOL.. nah; from the days where we picked up randoms at city hotel because we were off our faces and well.. who can forget when i hooked up with tiff then you pulled me off and ...well.... you got owned too.
[aaronzOr]- ! oh where to begin? the cunt gave me dirties in the interview room, gave me dirties on the first day of work; just as i thought i wanted to smack him and ask him wtf he was lookin at he intros himself and says "aye! im aaron nice to meet you" hahah XD thanks for lookin after me dude you know i always got you covered here <3. always tryna sneak the sexy guy in because he has no ID. always getting kicked out of places because people THINK he's dealin but he really isn't ]= .
[sunnie]- jiejie! give me my bag back XD

if i've missed you it clearly means i dont love you and you should be heart broken. (im just tired ]= nothing personal~! im bound to mention you sometime!)

Memoriessss..!

Ohhh where to begin

Jay'Ft Aaron&Steven- CC- "Because of you"
Jat'Ft Aaron,Vin&unkz- Strattyyyyy- omg, we all finally get to see him cwalk. and he's GONE ..

fuck that, cant be bothered naming those memories.

Anyway;

-recently!?

back in melb visiting those old faces .

saw anneskiiesz today ;] watched american gangstUhh! ... betty was busy so she dogged ): . afterwards saw ian ..went to bokky to bum ard saw jackjack- bobby etc. allan finish work too late cbf waiting went home now im here writing this piece of shit.

Good night

Also, was suppose to see darshyy today but never gave him aring. gg bye